My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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