I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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