she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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