I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
