I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have tasted many bathrooms
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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