i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
