??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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