i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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