this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
