Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
