Your face is a jimmy john
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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