Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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