I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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