Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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