You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
