I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
