Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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