I should be sponsored by Trojan
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
