my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I want is dick and wine.
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