Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
