she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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