Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
