he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize