am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
