That's when you crack a 10am beer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
