im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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