I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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