i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You ruined the universe
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
