You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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