And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
