I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
