whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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