Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
