good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
