We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
