We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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