lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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