What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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