you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
