Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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