I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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