The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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