Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
