Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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