I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
