genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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