I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
