I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
