im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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