Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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