what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
