Don't you send me to vm
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize