So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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