moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
