Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
