i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was like eating out sand paper
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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