No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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