So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
