I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
