First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
