I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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