Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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