I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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