I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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