Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
