ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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