Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
