I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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