"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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