Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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