I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
