you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
