I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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