My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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