Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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