at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
