Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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