Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
