dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
