i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
