yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
