When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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