your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Randomize
