peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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