hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize