Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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