if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
