i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
