scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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