Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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