Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Non-Jews are for practice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
