you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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