what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
