Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
