I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
