3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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