I have demons in me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
