carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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