a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
