Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
