I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
