I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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