I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
