We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
