I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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