Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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