Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
