the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize