So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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