i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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