Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
