I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
